Hindu culture unfolds in layers, each tradition a thread in a vast civilizational weave I’ve long known. Recently, I witnessed this anew at an engagement ceremony, attending (along with my parents) as part of the bride’s family. It was more than two individuals coming together – it reaffirmed how marriage in our tradition extends beyond two individuals to embrace families and shared histories. The fathers of the bride and groom, classmates and neighbors from their youth, added a quiet intimacy to this occasion in Madurai, making the event feel like a celebration of old bonds alongside the promise of new ones. This depth grew further when one of our relatives unexpectedly met their own kin from the groom’s side, revealing yet another layer of connection that enriched the familial tapestry.
Beyond the Individual
The warmth was immediate. Even before the bride’s full contingent arrived, the groom’s family welcomed us – openly, respectfully, with stories of shared roots flowing naturally. This wasn’t just politeness; it reflected the Hindu ethos where marriage binds not just a couple but a sangha. Byung-Chul Han, in The Disappearance of Rituals, warns that modernity erodes such communal ties, leaving us isolated in a formless world. Here, I saw a counterpoint – a deliberate act of connection, rooted in the bride’s father’s friendship and our kinship, affirming our place in a larger whole. That sense of belonging deepened as one of our relatives recognized their own kin among the groom’s family, a serendipitous reunion that extended our shared ties. It lingered, evident later when, closer to midnight, with no Uber or Ola available in Madurai – fondly known as Thoonganagaram (A city that never sleeps) the groom’s younger brother willingly drove us back to our hotel—a fine gesture underscoring a practical expression of care that transcends mere courtesy.
A Living Fabric
Family in Hindu thought isn’t static; it’s a dynamic entity, growing through each vivaha, a process I’ve observed across countless ceremonies. This engagement wasn’t only about the couple – it was about how their union would enrich our collective lineage, blending traditions and responsibilities into a vibrant continuum. The groom’s family engaging us early, before formalities, underscored this growth, as did the groom’s brother’s gesture. The unexpected meeting between relatives from both sides further wove these threads, deepening bonds beyond expectation. Both acts were purposeful, a quiet weaving-in of shared values and mutual support. Roberto Calasso, in Ardor, calls rituals the acts that sustain the cosmos, tying the human to the eternal. That’s what I sensed – an expansion not just of numbers but of cultural depth, resisting the ritual-less drift Han critiques, a process that keeps our heritage alive through active participation.
Rituals as Anchors
The rituals were striking as expected – garlands exchanged, blessings offered, moments of laughter over old memories. These weren’t empty gestures; they were lessons in respect, duty, and belonging, speaking across generations with clarity and intent, as they always do. I’ve seen this time and again: younger ones observing the festivities – wondering about the garlands’ meaning or the sweets’ significance—learning through participation in ways that resonate beyond verbal explanation. The reunion of relatives added a tangible link, showing how rituals reinforce ties across families. Han argues that rituals give structure to community, a shared space beyond words. That structure was evident here, binding us in a way modernity often overlooks, showing how rituals inform even spontaneous acts.
Dharma in Silence
Dharma wasn’t named, but its essence permeated everything – the groom’s family’s hospitality, the mutual reverence, the joy in reconnecting past and present, a familiar undercurrent in Hindu gatherings. It was harmony in action, a subtle current beneath the surface. Calasso frames rituals as a Vedic sacrifice in miniature, upholding the world’s order. The groom’s early outreach to us, his brother’s late-night effort, and the relatives’ reunion felt like such offerings – dharmic threads keeping our sangha intact against the fragmentation Han laments. That ride back wasn’t just convenience – it was a quiet testament to duty and care, echoing the event’s deeper pulse, a natural outflow of the values that shaped the celebration.
Personal Echoes
Reflecting on it, I realized how this engagement mirrored the core of Hindu culture, a reflection sharpened by years of such occasions. It reminded me that marriage here isn’t solitary; it’s communal, every participant shaping the narrative through active engagement. Seeing the kids engage – curious, absorbed – showed how rituals pass down values, a process Han calls the temporal architecture of community. That architecture stood firm here, vibrant and unbroken, a living bridge carrying our traditions into the future.
Continuity and Vitality
This wasn’t just a precursor to a wedding – it was a celebration of life, love, and family unity in Hindu tradition, a pattern I’ve seen repeated yet uniquely expressed here. It proved our marriages are communal acts, not personal endpoints, each one adding to a culture that cherishes history and connection with enduring vitality showing how rituals anchor us. Calasso says, rituals touch the eternal, sanctifying the fleeting, a truth that resonates through this event. Here, we didn’t just mark a union – we reaffirmed dharma, sustaining the vibrant pulse of our civilization against the ritual-less void Han fears, ensuring its resonance for generations ahead.
References
- Calasso, Roberto. Ardor. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2014
- Han, Byung-Chul. The Disappearance of Rituals. Polity Press, 2020
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